How to Move Past Shame When Your Small Business Fails

A lot of small business owners feel shame when their company fails because they link who they are so much with their business. This is compounded when they lose money from people they know. What do we do with this shame?

On The Small Business Radio show this week, I interviewed Dr. Abbie Maroño who has a new book called “Work in Progress: The Road to Empowerment, The Journey Through Shame” which offers a fresh perspective on the often-overlooked role of shame in personal growth. She explains that shame is a powerful emotion tied to our sense of self. For entrepreneurs, the line between personal identity and business success is often blurred, making failures feel deeply personal. Dr. Marono distinguishes between two types of shame:

• Healthy Shame: Acts as a motivator for self-improvement and growth.
• Toxic Shame: Leads to feelings of inadequacy and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Recognizing and Addressing Shame

To navigate feelings of shame, Dr. Marono suggests the following steps:

• Acknowledge the Shame: Recognize that feeling shame is a natural response to setbacks.
• Reflect on the Source: Understand why you feel shame and whether it stems from unrealistic expectations or external pressures.
• Avoid Distractions: Resist the urge to escape these feelings through overworking or unhealthy habits.
• Reframe Negative Thoughts: Shift your perspective to see failures as learning opportunities rather than personal shortcomings.

The Impact of Social Media

Social media can exacerbate feelings of shame by presenting an unrealistic picture of success. Entrepreneurs often compare themselves to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy. Dr. Marono advises:

• Limit Social Media Use: Be mindful of the time spent on social platforms.
• Focus on Your Journey: Remember that social media highlights successes, not the struggles behind them.

Separating Identity from Business Outcomes

Entrepreneurs need to cultivate a sense of self that is independent of their business achievements. Dr. Marono recommends:

• Explore Personal Values and Interests: Engage in activities outside of work that bring joy and fulfillment.
• Build a Support Network: Seek support from mentors, friends, and professionals who can provide perspective and encouragement.

Practical Steps to Move Forward

For those feeling overwhelmed by shame, Dr. Marono suggests:

• Set a Time Limit for Grieving: Allow yourself to feel the emotions but set a time limit, such as 48 hours, to process them.
• Take Actionable Steps: Focus on practical steps to move forward, such as developing a new business plan or seeking professional advice.

Listen to the entire episode on The Small Business Radio Show.