\u201cBeaches\u201d is best remembered today as the kitschy classic that inspired Paul Rudnick to lampoon it in his screenplay \u201cIn & Out.\u201d In a segment that\u2019s a film within that 1997 comedy, a gay soldier is outed and court-martialed when it\u2019s discovered he hides a VHS copy of \u201cBeaches,\u201d starring Bette Midler, in his locker.<\/p>\n
\u201cBeaches\u201d is now a musical that opened Wednesday at the Majestic Theater, and for one exhilarating moment, it appears that this show will live up to its camp status in the world of movies. It comes when the two friends Bertie (Kelli Barrett) and Cee Cee (Jessica Vosk) join with their younger selves \u2013 Teen Bertie (Emma Ogea), Teen Cee Cee (Bailey Ryon), Little Bertie (Zeya Grace) and Little Cee Cee (Samantha Schwartz)\u2013 and all six of them get to sing \u201cShow the World Who You Are,\u201d music by Mike Stoller, lyrics by Iris Rainer Dart. It\u2019s a montage that recalls those short but heavily edited music-driven scenes in 1967\u2019s \u201cValley of the Dolls\u201d when Barbara Parkins\u2019 Anne Welles is turned into a fashion model and Patty Duke\u2019s Nelly O\u2019Hara is turned into a pop star.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, the so-bad-it\u2019s-good pleasure that comes from a movie is harder to achieve in the theater. The actors aren\u2019t in the room with you when they embarrass themselves on film. In the theater, they\u2019re definitely in the room with you.<\/p>\n
The \u201cBeaches\u201d book is written by Thom Thomas and Iris Rainier Dart, who wrote the source material. Who knew that before there was a terrible movie titled \u201cBeaches\u201d there was a terrible novel titled \u201cBeaches\u201d? That title is now 3 for 0.<\/p>\n
Thomas and Dart load the musical\u2019s first act with far too many scenes as we watch Bertie and Cee Cee grow up. Which can\u2019t happen fast enough. There\u2019s a real JonBen\u00e9t Ramsey ickiness on display here. Cee Cee is the sassy one; she uses cuss words. And Bertie is the naive one; she wants to have an affair with her favorite movie star, Rock Hudson. If that weren\u2019t clueless enough, Bertie refers to an oral sex act as a \u201cblow torch.\u201d<\/p>\n Cee Cee\u2019s costumes, by Tracy Christensen, are especially gross. They don\u2019t recall what Bette Midler wore in \u201cBeaches\u201d or even \u201cStella.\u201d They bring to mind what Barbara Stanwyck wore in \u201cStella Dallas.\u201d<\/p>\n The musical\u2019s second act is far more cohesive and joke-free, thanks to Bertie\u2019s cancer diagnosis.<\/p>\n Stoller\u2019s songs are serviceable, Rainer Dart\u2019s lyrics are something less. There\u2019s nothing as catchy as Stoller\u2019s \u201cYakety Yak\u201d or \u201cJailhouse Rock.\u201d To make up for that deficit, the show closes with \u201cWind Beneath My Wings,\u201d<\/a> even though Stoller didn\u2019t write it. That credit belongs to Jeff Silbar and Larry Henley, who have been relegated to a \u201cspecial thanks\u201d on the last page of the Playbill credits.<\/p>\n A mess as major as \u201cBeaches\u201d required not one but two directors, Lonny Price and Matt Cowart.<\/p>\n
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