If you\u2019ve ever been cheated on, the thought of being trapped in a villa with your ex might sound like an absolute nightmare.<\/p>\n
Unless, maybe, Amanda Holden, relationship guru Paul C. Brunson and seven other couples all in the same situation as you, were there too..?<\/p>\n
That\u2019s the premise of new Netflix show Cheat: Unfinished Business<\/span>, which sees eight not-so-happy couples, whose relationships have been wrecked by infidelity, reunited in a villa in Majorca, Spain, to see if they can revive their romance.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a relationship show. It\u2019s not a dating show,\u201d says Britain\u2019s Got Talent judge Holden, 54.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s about people who are invested in their relationships and are seeing whether they can hold on to them and make them work.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n During the series, Brunson, 50, who has co-hosted Celebs Go Dating and Married at First Sight UK, counsels the couples and sets exercises to help them work through and ideally, overcome their problems.<\/p>\n Crucially, cheaters aren\u2019t demonised.<\/p>\n So while there is a certain amount of drama, and the couples do have to face each other down in a fiery \u2018reckoning room\u2019, the show also provides support that can really help people deal with a breach of trust and move on together.<\/p>\n \u201cThere are two sides, and we\u2019re very quick to judge. We\u2019re a society now that wants to see the bad guy, wants to see the good guy. I think it\u2019s very important to listen and to see why people have done what they\u2019ve done, and then for them to see the reaction of the person that they\u2019ve betrayed,\u201d says Portsmouth-born Holden, who co-hosts Heart Breakfast with Jamie Theakston.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think some of the people that had done the betraying had any idea of the impact that had on the person that had asked them to go in the house,\u201d she adds. \u201cBecause of that, they\u2019ve changed. And so therefore the story changed. So therefore my opinion of them changed, because they do have empathy, and they do have a moral compass that they find through Paul and through the other exercises.\u201d She says it\u2019s impossible to really \u201csit on the fence\u201d and not have a view (\u201cYou will have very strong opinions about everyone in the house,\u201d) but she wants people to \u201ctry not to judge too quickly when you start watching the show, because there\u2019s a long way to go\u201d.<\/p>\n After all, people can surprise you.<\/p>\n \u201cEverybody was a child once, and everybody\u2019s had aspirations and dreams, and so, the people in this villa are good people that made bad decisions,\u201d she says. \u201cEverybody should have a second chance.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Holden was previously married to comedian Les Dennis, but their marriage was rocked when she had a brief affair with Men Behaving Badly actor Neil Morrissey early in 2000. The couple later divorced and Holden has been married to record producer Chris Hughes for more than 16 years and they have two daughters.<\/p>\n Professional American matchmaker Brunson, who is now based in London, hosts hit podcast We Need To Talk, and has written Keep Love: 21 Truths for a Long-Lasting Relationship. He says the trick to successful, loving partnerships starts with you. \u201cYou have self-worth, self-esteem, and you\u2019re actually actively loving yourself, that\u2019s where it begins,\u201d he says.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cUltimately, what that means is that you have high wellbeing. The higher your wellbeing, it acts as a detractor to people who will use and abuse you, and it acts as an attractor to people who also have high wellbeing.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n For those that have been cheated on though, it could in theory be a pretty triggering show to sit down to watch, especially if you\u2019re sharing a sofa with someone who went behind your back. But Brunson is adamant that if you\u2019ve ever been betrayed, you \u201cshould watch Cheat because you\u2019re going to learn so much\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cYou will still have empathy for the person who cheated, and obviously for the betrayed, but then you\u2019ll learn the tools to navigate this whole situation,\u201d he explains.\u00a0<\/p>\n The quick of it is, there needs to be forgiveness. If you have gone through an act of infidelity and there\u2019s no forgiveness, you can\u2019t build from there. So it begins and ends with forgiveness.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n However, that doesn\u2019t mean bad behaviour needs to be completely wiped from memory.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s probably not \u2018forget\u2019,\u201d says Holden. \u201cIt\u2019s like, \u2018I\u2019m gonna swap lanes. We\u2019re gonna have to start a whole new path if we\u2019re gonna make this work\u2019. And it\u2019s about trying to find that trust again and that safety. Because, as Paul said, once one of you has betrayed the other, you are alone in that relationship and that\u2019s a tough place to be.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n In fact Brunson says there are benefits to not forgetting or burying misdemeanours. \u201cIf you can reflect back and say, \u2018Okay, as a result of that terrible thing that happened, we\u2019re now better, we\u2019re now stronger, we now communicate,\u2019 then it\u2019s something that you don\u2019t want to forget necessarily, right?\u201d The priority is forgiveness, for both your sakes.<\/p>\n \u201cForgive, absolutely,\u201d he says. \u201cWe can all forgive.\u201d Even if you haven\u2019t had a partner be unfaithful, there\u2019s still lots you can take from watching Cheat, especially when it comes to developing emotional maturity \u2013 an essential trait for navigating the highs and lows of relationships. Holden discovered just how important listening is.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cListening and trying to put yourself into other people\u2019s shoes \u2013 it\u2019s a simple thing, but it\u2019s not an easy thing to do sometimes. There is so much judgment,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n Brunson\u2019s tip for boosting that emotional maturity and tending to your relationship, is to ask yourself: What emotion do you feel in this moment?<\/p>\n \u201cMost people cannot answer that. Most men definitely cannot answer that. And if you cannot answer that, that means you can\u2019t tap into your emotion,\u201d he explains.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cIf you can\u2019t tap into your emotion, how are you going to tap into your partner\u2019s emotion? And that\u2019s what you\u2019re talking about in terms of emotional maturity. To be able to sit and reflect and say, \u2018What emotion do I feel?\u2019 Tap into what that is, what feeling does that create.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Work that out, be honest, and your relationship might just stay the course, no matter the obstacles \u2013 and no trip to the Cheat villa required.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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