{"id":835786,"date":"2025-03-21T14:12:03","date_gmt":"2025-03-21T19:12:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newsycanuse.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/21\/6-bad-habits-for-mental-health-therapists-are-begging-you-to-break\/"},"modified":"2025-03-21T14:12:03","modified_gmt":"2025-03-21T19:12:03","slug":"6-bad-habits-for-mental-health-therapists-are-begging-you-to-break","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newsycanuse.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/21\/6-bad-habits-for-mental-health-therapists-are-begging-you-to-break\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Bad Habits for Mental Health Therapists Are Begging You to Break"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Adding self-care practices into your daily routine can obviously work wonders for your mood and mental health. (If you\u2019re in the market, we\u2019ve got suggestions for calmer mornings<\/a>, afternoons<\/a>, and nights<\/a>\u2014and we even compiled this list of our all-time best self-preservation ideas<\/a> to sprinkle into your life whenever.) But sometimes, giving yourself a mental tune-up has more to do with letting go<\/em> of the bad habits that might be subtly wearing you down than it does stacking on new ones.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s true: Therapists say that a bunch of daily behaviors\u2014like how you approach getting things done and the ways you relate to others\u2014can sabotage your mental health. But because of how ingrained these tendencies can be, you might not realize they\u2019re killing your vibe or making you feel lousy. And that\u2019s the last thing anyone needs in a world where protecting your peace and staying sane is already an uphill battle.<\/p>\n

So we tapped five expert therapists to share the most common everyday habits that they wish people would break for the sake of their mental health, why they can be so sneakily detrimental, and what alternative behaviors are far more supportive.<\/p>\n

1. You spend most of your days focused on your thoughts\u2014versus your reality.<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s super normal to contemplate (or worry about or stress over\u2026) things that happened in the past or could happen in the future, Elisabeth Morray, PhD<\/a>, a Boston-based licensed psychologist and vice president of clinical for online therapist directory Alma, tells SELF. Of course, you\u2019re going to devote mental energy to evaluating, say, a fight with your mom last night, or wondering if you’re going to snag that promotion, for instance\u2014reflection can help you learn from past mistakes and looking to the future allows you to plan. But you want to be aware of how much<\/em> time you\u2019re dedicating to the thoughts in your head: This mental hubbub also yanks you out of the present and prevents you from fully experiencing what\u2019s actually happening to you, Dr. Morray says.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not ideal since you don\u2019t want your own life to pass you by. But beyond dimming your awareness of current events, getting stuck in the swirl of your own thoughts could also hamper your mental health long-term: \u201cFocusing on the past<\/a> is connected to depression, and focusing on the future is connected to anxiety,\u201d Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT<\/a>, a New York\u2013based psychotherapist, tells SELF. And doing either could change your behavior for the worse too. \u201cWhen your mind is caught in the past, you will often default to doing what you did then,\u201d Dr. Morray says, which may not be the most productive route. \u201cAnd when your thoughts are focused on the future, you could act in ways that are centered around something that hasn\u2019t actually happened yet,\u201d she explains. Think: Avoiding an important conversation because you anticipate<\/em> that someone may get upset or procrastinating<\/a> starting a project because you predict<\/em> that your boss won\u2019t like it anyway.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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What to do instead:<\/strong> When a certain thought becomes nagging or keeps you from engaging with whatever\u2019s right in front of you, Dr. Morray suggests finding some psychological distance from it with a technique called defusion (as in, unfusing yourself from it). That can be as simple as naming exactly what it is\u2014for instance, rather than saying, \u201cMy life sucks,\u201d you might say, \u201cI\u2019m having the thought<\/em> that my life sucks,\u201d Dr. Morray says. It seems like a small change, but the reminder that this is just a thought and not a set-in-stone reality can help you better challenge it or let it go.<\/p>\n

2. You use negative consequences as motivation.<\/h2>\n

If you\u2019ve ever told yourself, \u201cI\u2019m not going to pee until I get this done,\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t have lunch until I finish this project,\u201d you\u2019ve succumbed to this bad habit\u2014which can take on the guise of self-discipline but has the mental effect of needlessly punishing yourself, Lisette Sanchez, PhD<\/a>, a bilingual and bicultural licensed psychologist based in Long Beach, California, tells SELF. When you don\u2019t do something in a specific way or at a particular time, \u201cyou\u2019re not in trouble, and you don\u2019t have to put yourself in the corner,\u201d she emphasizes. \u201cYou\u2019re an adult with free will, and you can create other systems to help you get things done.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even using the promise of a reward as motivation can be a slippery slope. Sure, telling yourself you can get a little treat<\/a>, like an iced latte, if you finish a task might be a helpful incentive every now and then. But over time, you risk reinforcing the misconception that you\u2019re only deserving of good things when you muscle through hard ones. And, Dr. Sanchez adds, you\u2019ll put yourself in the anxious state of constantly thinking about the future, or what you\u2019ll receive after<\/em> you get this thing done.<\/p>\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Make the task itself more pleasant or at least inoffensive. You don\u2019t have to threaten yourself or<\/em> dangle a carrot to get something done, Dr. Sanchez says: \u201cYou\u2019re allowed to have the carrot while you\u2019re doing it.\u201d Maybe you whip up a toasty mug of hot cocoa to sip while you chug through your inbox, for instance. When you soften the blow of a hard task, it\u2019ll feel easier to focus on it\u2014and finish it. \u201cWhat actually helps us be more present,\u201d Dr. Sanchez says, \u201cis enjoying<\/em> our presence.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. You compare yourself to\u2014and evaluate yourself against\u2014others.<\/h2>\n

You probably know that nothing good comes from using other people\u2019s successes (or failures) as a yardstick for your own. And yet, it\u2019s only human nature to assess where you stand relative to others. \u201cWe\u2019re constantly trying to figure out, \u2018Am I better?\u2019 \u2018Am I worse?\u2019 \u2018Am I smarter?\u2019 \u2018Does this person have more than me?\u2019\u201d Dr. Morray says. \u201cIf you ever spend time watching yourself respond to people, you\u2019ll see how quickly you get pulled into evaluation and judgment.\u201d It\u2019s particularly noticeable\u2014and dangerous\u2014with social media<\/a>, where people tend to share just the highlights: \u201cYou\u2019re comparing your backstage with other people\u2019s front-of-house,\u201d Dr. Morray says. But she contends that this also happens often, if more subtly, in our IRL interactions. In any scenario, it\u2019s bound to make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, or as if you\u2019re not good enough, or like there\u2019s some reason that this other person has the thing you want, Dr. Sanchez says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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What to do instead:<\/strong> Chances are, you\u2019re not going to be able to stop<\/em> this behavior entirely, Dr. Morray says, which is why it can be helpful, at first, to call your attention to it in a nonjudgmental way. For instance, perhaps you stop and think, \u201cI just realized I\u2019m comparing myself to this person. Isn\u2019t that interesting that I\u2019m doing that?\u201d From there, you may be able to shrink your own response and cut short the negative spiral by simply asking yourself: \u201cSo what?\u201d Dr. Morray says. It sounds silly, but when you pause for a second, you might have the liberating realization that this thought doesn\u2019t necessitate a response\u2026and you can let it go.<\/p>\n

But sometimes, the resulting pang of envy can be painful, and it\u2019s not so easy to just pivot\u2014which is also important to acknowledge. Building confidence<\/a> and learning to love yourself<\/a> are lengthy (if very worthwhile) pursuits. What Dr. Sanchez suggests if you\u2019re often wrestling with self-comparison is to avoid getting mired in the \u201cwhy\u201d and focus more practically on eliminating triggers. One direct way to do that: Mute the social-media accounts that tend to ignite negative thoughts. \u201cWe want to be able to look and not care and just be happy for people, but sometimes we don\u2019t have that mental capacity, and that\u2019s okay,\u201d she says. Just like you would leave a party if you felt uncomfortable, you can (and should) exempt yourself<\/a> from online content that has the same effect, she points out.<\/p>\n

4. You often put yourself down or self-criticize.<\/h2>\n

Even if you\u2019re not comparing yourself to someone else, you might have developed a habit of negative self-talk<\/a>, or flaming yourself for something you did or said. Such critical thoughts can easily erupt into more globally bad self-judgements, like, \u201cI always do X bad things, or I\u2019m never good at Y things,\u201d Tracy Ross, LCSW<\/a>, a New York City\u2013based couples therapist, tells SELF. These assessments are especially damning, but less obvious ones can be problematic too: \u201cUsing words like \u2018should\u2019 or \u2018must\u2019 around things that aren\u2019t moral obligations, like telling yourself you should<\/em> be cleaning or exercising, as well as discounting or minimizing your accomplishments, are all subtle examples of self-shaming,\u201d Shira Collings, LPC<\/a>, a therapist who specializes in neurodiversity-affirming therapy in Newtown, Pennsylvania, tells SELF.<\/p>\n

\u201cBullying yourself in this way will almost certainly lower your self-esteem and contribute to depression and anxiety,\u201d Collings says. But here\u2019s the kicker: This kind of commentary doesn\u2019t light a productive fire under your butt either. It\u2019s far more likely to result in you shutting down and not<\/em> pursuing your goals, Collings adds. Indeed, one study<\/a> in athletes and musicians found that self-criticism was negatively<\/em> associated with motivation, while another study<\/a> tied it to rumination and procrastination\u2014both suggesting that hurling insults at yourself is far from the disciplinary flex you might think it is. As Ross puts it: \u201cIt\u2019s paralyzing, it\u2019s debilitating, and it\u2019s getting in the way.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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What to do instead:<\/strong> Similar to the defusion technique above, Ross suggests labeling to keep negative self-talk at arm\u2019s length: \u201cYou might say, \u2018That\u2019s my judge speaking,\u2019 when you catch yourself being critical.\u201d The goal is to separate the cruel language from your perception of self, and in so doing, remind yourself that these evaluations are not inherent truths. Both Collings and Hendrix also suggest pretending like you\u2019re speaking to a friend the next time you start sizing yourself up\u2014you probably wouldn\u2019t tell them that they suck or they\u2019re a worthless wreck or anything remotely close to that (and the same is true for you).<\/p>\n

Of course, these practices can be much harder to implement than they seem\u2014because divorcing yourself from self-criticism is no overnight endeavor. It\u2019s the reason Collings suggests engaging in self-compassion activities (like mindful grounding exercises<\/a> and meditations<\/a>) on a regular basis, not just when your internal judge rears its head. Looking for specifics? Check out our full guide on how to be kinder to yourself<\/a>.<\/p>\n

5. You write off an entire day because a bad thing happened.<\/h2>\n

Little annoyances and setbacks are practically an everyday fact of life. You spill coffee on your favorite shirt when rushing out of the house, or a coworker sends you an email with an uncalled-for tone. If these things happen in the morning, they can feel like negative omens for what\u2019s to come: Suddenly you\u2019re accepting that it\u2019s just going to be an awful day, Dr. Sanchez says. (I\u2019ve even written off a whole week<\/em> after an unusually rough Tuesday.) But the problem with assigning such outsize influence to one or two unfortunate events is that you fall into the trap of confirmation bias, Dr. Sanchez says. Since you\u2019ve decided it\u2019s going to be a bad day (or week or month), \u201cyou\u2019re now looking for all the ways to prove how miserable you are,\u201d she explains. And when you search, you will<\/em> find.<\/p>\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> It\u2019s not practical nor productive to suggest you keep a rosy outlook at all times. Downplaying annoying events is just toxic positivity, Dr. Sanchez says. But what you can do is respond with a more neutral approach, acknowledging both the negative reality of the circumstance and<\/em> your ability to course-correct. For instance, you might tell yourself that yes, actually that thing was very hard to deal with, and it makes sense that you\u2019d feel depleted\u2014and then give yourself 10 minutes to do something purely joy-inducing, Dr. Sanchez says, like texting a friend who makes you laugh or scrolling through funny memes. It\u2019s not going to erase the bad event prior, but it can<\/em> prevent you from carrying that energy through the rest of your day.<\/p>\n

6. You take full responsibility for other people\u2019s feelings.<\/h2>\n

Make no mistake: Caring about your loved ones (and your impact on them) and empathizing with how they feel is fantastic friend, family member, or partner behavior. But that\u2019s different from allowing their concerns and emotions to dictate your actions, Ross says. Whether someone else will be disappointed or upset or sad about something you do shouldn\u2019t be a deciding factor in whether you\u2019ll do it, she says, assuming you\u2019re acting in alignment with your values. When you veer into this kind of people-pleasing territory<\/a>, you risk sidelining your own<\/em> best interests, which will just make you unhappy and resentful.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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What to do instead:<\/strong> Know that satisfying everyone around you is not your burden to bear, particularly when you\u2019re making a decision that feels right to you<\/em>, Ross says. Speaking of, it can be helpful to take some solo time to reflect on what you actually do (and don\u2019t) want in any given situation (particularly if you\u2019ve gotten so used to satisfying others that you feel disconnected from your preferences). You can also remind yourself of the freeing reality that you can\u2019t actually control how anyone else feels about anything, Ross says. So why try to do so at the potential expense of your own feelings and values?<\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s a natural tendency for some folks, like all of the behaviors on this list\u2014many of which are exacerbated by the unhealthy ways society measures things like success and likability. So it\u2019s totally understandable if you do some or even all of them. The good news is, when you become more aware of how you might be falling into these mentally draining patterns, you can make moves to get out of your own way.<\/p>\n

Related:<\/strong><\/p>\n