Hasn’t the Smash scene suffered enough?? Illumination wants to Minion-ify Smash with cringe multiverse cash grab

I’m tired.

Let me come right out with it: I have always hated Illumination. I don’t like their animation style. I don’t like their bad pop music soundtracks. I don’t like how they use lazy celebrities rather than voice actors. I don’t like their childish humor.

I was already pretty bummed over The Super Mario Bros. Movie, what with Chris Pratt’s horrible rendition of Mario (aka just talking as himself) and that random Peach ballad sung by Jack Black as Bowser. You can enjoy the moviegoing experience, I don’t care, but to say it feels anything like the Mario games is untrue.

I have been bracing myself for the second one, trying to forget that Toad basically just sounds like some dude. But then the movie poster came out… The one that confirmed my suspicions.

FOX MCCLOUD JOINS THE SUPER MARIO GALAXY MOVIE!

Wait, Fox isn’t part of Mario’s univ- Oooh… Illumination wants a Super Smash Bros. crossover. A multiverse. Have we learned nothing about the failure of metaverses? The Marvel movies already have most of us – those that like original content and ideas – exhausted at the concept of a multiverse. But Hollywood just won’t stop. And it looks like Super Smash Bros. is next in line.

Super Smash Bros. is my favorite game series of all time. Melee is my favorite esport to watch. I enjoy the niche FGC that fuels it all with passion and determination. I’m a bit of a gatekeeper that way. I like that everyone is real and raw, that the scene is powered by grit. That’s what happens when the prize pool is $2. Only the real ones would fly for that.

But now, the studio that won’t stop making Minion movies despite them never being funny to begin with have set their dollar sign-shaped eyes on Smash. And it makes sense. There are so many IPs to work with. The movie possibilities are endless. I just don’t think it will carry over any of the authentic passion of the Smash scene.

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie has already teased a Pikmin as well. They are most definitely wanting gamers to talk. Remember that hype when Ultimate was the big thing and the FGC was desperately wondering which DLC fighter would come next? They want that.

OMG MAYBE THEY’LL ADD SAMUS NEXT! I HOPE THEY ADD MY BOY NESS! POKEMON!?!?!

It’s sorta like when Fortnite first came out and leakers were having a field day with crossover leaks. Now, who is even paying attention? Everyone is in Fortnite. Who cares? That’s how I feel about Illumination. Of course they’ll put in every Nintendo IP. Why wouldn’t they? Ug.

Being a professional hater is tiring.