My Co-Worker Is Ignoring a Major Part of Her Health. We’re All Worse Off Because of It.

Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I am on a three-person team (me, one co-worker, and our boss) in a larger office suite. My co-worker, “Alyssa,” joined the office a few months ago. As far as I can tell, she is significantly hard of hearing but doesn’t use any hearing aid. I’ve tried to train myself to speak loudly and clearly with her (I have family who are going deaf, I get it), but she still often misses part of what I say.

Moreover, it seems to be negatively impacting her work. She serves as the front desk person for our suite, which receives a lot of foot traffic from visitors. I’m the backup front desk coverage, and I sit within earshot of her. All day long, I hear her ask people to repeat themselves multiple times. The same thing happens when the executives we assist approach her. She also doesn’t seem to notice when someone is in her peripheral vision, so sometimes, someone will be standing by the front desk for up to several minutes, introducing themselves too softly for her to hear, while I am hearing everything, wanting to tear my hair out. Having conversations at the volume she requires is disruptive to everyone else in the office, because sound carries to everyone’s cubicles/offices, and sometimes people are trying to discuss semi-confidential matters.

I definitely don’t want to appear ableist or ageist (I’m in my late-20s and Alyssa is around 60). I am also trying to distinguish between work-related frustration and personal resentment, because I don’t get along well with her for other reasons, and I think she and our boss aren’t unaware of that (mostly, I find her personality abrasive and hard to communicate with, even when it’s not a hearing problem). Aside from this, I have a great relationship with my boss, but she’s very hands-off. I tried to ask her to intervene in another minor conflict between Alyssa and me, but she wanted me to resolve it myself. Is there any way I can possibly gently suggest to Alyssa, our boss, or human resources that she might benefit from some kind of hearing assistance or accommodation? I know that normally this would be none of my business, but I really think it’s disrupting our workflow at the office.

—Vexed By Volume

Dear Vexed By Volume,

Office noises can be quite disruptive, but you’re right that any discussion about Alyssa’s hearing should be handled delicately. That’s especially true with a hands-off boss who already dismissed your previous conflict with Alyssa.

Try asking your boss for advice about how to handle some of the problems you describe. The next time a semi-confidential meeting is audible to the rest of the office, bring your concern to your boss. Ask if your team could get access to a more isolated or soundproofed meeting room for future discussions. If your boss works behind an office door, she might not notice that Alyssa often misses visitors who are trying to get her attention. What would your boss like you to do in those situations? Jump up and introduce Alyssa? Would it be helpful to install an old-timey bell for people to ring, like at the front desk of a hotel? Could you hook up a doorbell to the front door of your suite? Make it clear that you want to help Alyssa, but don’t want to get in her way. The subtext, of course, is that you have plenty of other work and don’t want to turn away from it to do Alyssa’s job—unless your boss asks you to.

If your boss waves your concerns away, you could ask Alyssa for her preference. Don’t mention hearing loss, just say that sometimes you notice visitors before she does, and you’d like to know how to handle those situations in a way that’s helpful to her.

If Alyssa does have hearing loss, she might not know it or might be in denial. (That’s pretty common.) Her friends, family, or healthcare providers should be the ones to encourage her to get her hearing tested. If you suggest it, especially with a history of friction between the two of you, she might dig in. (To anyone reading this who has a friend or family member with possible hearing loss, please encourage them to get tested. As one of my loved ones who finally got hearing aids, and wished he’d gotten them sooner, said: “Everybody stopped mumbling!”)

Do consult with human resources, but go in with low expectations. They might be able to push for more soundproofed meeting rooms. Or they might be willing to circulate a reminder to staff about some of the services covered by your workplace insurance plan, including, presumably, hearing aids.

Dear Good Job,

I am routinely told by the editors at the newspaper I work at that my work sparkles, that they value the contributions I make, and that I have what it takes to step up into a management role. Yet, the last two times I applied to be a low-level manager, I was turned away in favor of an outside candidate. Both times, the process was taxing on me, and only led to little more than a shrug and a “Thanks for playing” with no real feedback as to why I was passed over. There is a growing disconnect between what they say about my work and ability and how I get treated in these processes. What are my options here? I make good money for media, and I don’t necessarily want to give that up on a jump into the great unknown.

—Tired of Being Passed Over

Dear Tired of Being Passed Over,

Do keep trying. You know how competitive jobs are, especially in journalism, and losing out on two positions isn’t necessarily a reflection of your abilities. But ask for feedback. It’s pretty common for hiring managers to avoid discussing a hire once they’ve picked their candidate.  They’re sick of talking about it, for one—hiring is a long and often contentious process. They may feel guilty or awkward that they didn’t hire you, or expect you to be irritated with them. The hiring process is supposed to be confidential (although gossip often slips through), and they may be respecting everyone’s privacy.

You can get around these limitations, though. Ask for a meeting with one of the people involved in the hiring process, ideally someone who also encouraged you to apply. Thank them for considering you for the position. It is a big accomplishment to get to the interview process, even if that makes not getting chosen for the job sting even more. Say with real or feigned enthusiasm that you are looking forward to working with the person they did hire. Then ask for advice on how to position yourself for a future opening. Are there any big projects you could support? Any editing work you could take on? If you see needs that aren’t being met, even if they’re not part of your job, offer to help. Hiring managers love evidence of innovation and leadership, so look for opportunities to try new things or pull together groups for ambitious projects.

If you’re up for it, befriend the new hires too. They’ve just been plopped into a new workplace and don’t know the culture or the software systems. Offer to help. Express genuine curiosity about their careers, without prying or resentment. Some workplaces prefer to hire outside candidates for the perspective they bring (and to poach talent from the competition). You can learn a lot from the people who got these two jobs. Extra selfishly, they may become members of hiring committees that consider you for future positions.

Slate Plus members get more Good Job every week. Sign up now to read Laura Helmuth’s additional column this week.

Dear Good Job,

There’s a man at my office whose body odor is foul enough to make skunks run for the hills.  Management has done nothing, and my entire department is at our wits’ (and noses!) end. What is the best option: confronting him as a group, choosing someone to speak for all of us, or an anonymous basket full of deodorant sticks on his desk?

—BO Bothered

Dear BO Bothered,

I’m sorry for your suffering, but unfortunately, none of those options would make a good first step. This is a question for human resources, which should consult with your legal department. You don’t speculate about the cause of your colleague’s BO. It could be a simple lack of awareness (people get accustomed to odors, after all). But it could be related to a medical condition or religious practice, and your company needs to be wary of discriminating against this guy. It’s possible your company has existing policies about office attire and grooming that would cover body odor. (These policies have historically perpetuated racist and sexist standards for personal presentation, but some workplaces enforce them, especially if your company works directly with clients.) They might be able to offer reasonable accommodations for your colleague to manage his BO or its diffusion through the office. In any case, let your company’s experts handle it.

But let’s be realistic. Your company’s experts might not handle it—they might decide the miasma in your department isn’t worth the trouble of a difficult discussion, embarrassed employee, or potential lawsuit. You could suggest rearranging the office workspaces in a way that just so happens to put your colleague farther away from other desks and any vents that blow his BO around the office. You could bring in aromatic houseplants or bouquets of flowers to cover the smell, or regularly spray air freshener. Has your office upgraded its ventilation system since the pandemic began? If not, or if you’re not sure, ask the office managers to assess your indoor air quality and improve ventilation, which is refreshing anyway and can reduce the concentration of airborne viruses. If your office has windows that open, let in some fresh air when the weather’s nice. Semi-seriously, you could bring back the fashion of carrying or wearing nosegays, small bouquets of flowers that help cover unpleasant smells.

—Laura

More Advice From Slate

My parents are in their mid-70s and have five dogs—all rescues. Recently, they decided to change their will so that if they should both die at the same time their dogs will be cared for by a dog sitter who will live in their home, rent-free. All utilities and taxes will be paid for by the estate. In addition, this dog sitter will receive a per diem salary until the last dog has crossed the rainbow bridge. I’ve known about this for a few weeks and have kind of just rolled my eyes about it. My brother found out the other day (I thought he already knew)…