In his first “Jimmy Kimmel Live” since going on his annual vacation a few months ago, Jimmy Kimmel told his audience “I had a great summer.”
Except for the fact he was completely unable to ignore the “non-stop crap factory” of bad news created by Donald Trump. So Kimmel basically did a speed-run through that news, recapping some of the biggest and most disturbing stories that happened during his vacation.
“I actually got another job this summer. I got a summer gig working video camera at the Coldplay concert,” Kimmel joked, referring to tech executives who were caught cheating on their spouses at a Coldplay concert several weeks back.
“What a weird summer. I mean really. Can anything just be normal anymore? I tried to ignore the news. I tried to disconnect. It’s impossible,” Kimmel said after recapping some of his own summer adventures. “You can’t turn him off. He won’t power down. He’s like Ultron – he just keeps going. Every day it’s something crazier than the next. I made a list. This is all in the last two months. I made you a quick list. I will run through it.”
“He paved over the Rose Garden He’s building a golden ballroom at the White House. He’s planning a UFC fight at the White House. He cut off Kamala Harris’s Secret Service protection. He named himself host of the Kennedy Center Honors. He went to Alaska to bend over for Putin. He sent military tanks – into Washington D.C.,” Kimmel said.
“He said the Smithsonian focuses too much on ‘how bad slavery was.’ He called India and Norway to tell them to nominate him for a Nobel Prize. And he cut off funding for pediatric brain cancer research for children. You would think a person, who himself has the brain of a child, would be in favor of funding pediatric brain cancer research. But I guess not,” Kimmel continued.
“Crazier when you know, it’s different when you do it every night and you get it little by little. I mean, just yesterday, there’s this video of what seem to be garbage bags being thrown out the window of the Lincoln bedroom. That’s the White House. The official response from the White House said it was maintenance work being done while Trump was off on one of his many golf weekends. But Trump is even contradicting his own White House now,” Kimmel said, referring to Trump’s claim that video was an AI-generated hoax.
“And that was just today. Over the summer, it was just a non-stop crap factory. Remember God? The guy who abandoned us on January 20th of this year? God. Grabbed his keys and left. Exchanged us for another world I guess,” Kimmel joked.
Watch his full monologue below:
