Around a week ago, 146,000 people mourned the death of a horse they’d never met. This might be the best single thing that has ever happened in videogames, although I don’t imagine the horse would give a shit. Grass Wonder was a famous Japanese racehorse, but it’s likely the majority of those that mourned his death online are only fans of Japanese horse racing by proxy.
Here is an article about Grass Wonder’s death that does not mention Umamusume: Pretty Derby once. I find this profound and comforting, in the sense that it feels miraculous that such intertwined cultural spheres can still exist in their own siloes. There are people who knew Grass Wonder well, yet would look at you playing the anime horse girl game in wordless confusion, save a muttered directive that you seek the love and light of a forgiving god.
I’m not going to eulogise Grass Wonder because I do not care about Grass Wonder any more than I care about any other horse, and don’t especially feel like pretending I do just for the sake of a bit. I think all horses are pretty good but I cannot eulogise them all. But Grass Wonder is special is the sense that Grass Wonder is the horse I’m currently thinking about. Grass Wonder is, as far as I’m concerned, the most famous horse in the world right now. He tramples with disdain over the frail, fallen forms of lesser attention economy aspirants, and from beyond the grave no less.
Again, we can tell from that social post linked above that Pretty Derby has inspired at least 146,000 people that I imagine would not have otherwise known about the existence, never mind death, of Grass Wonder, to spend at least some time this month thinking about his passing. I have not played the horse girl game. Perhaps it has the power to repair my relationship with my own soul, although I’m sceptical. But today, at least, it has conjured for me a reminder that fate has both a sense of humour and a penchant for Gacha mechanics. If the universe is, indeed, a machine for producing ever more potent instances of novelty, it did a fine job with the cultural impact of this racehorse’s fatal organ failure.
According to the article linked above, Grass Wonder “sired 736 winners from 1327 foals”. If someone in the comments could enlighten me to whether this is a misprint I would be grateful. Grass Wonder has been breeding for 25 years. If we assume the above to be true, that’s about 53 kids a year, or one a week. Goliath-felling levels of mythical dick slinging, that. A real legacy, although Grass Wonder’s impact on me will remain the still very notable achievement of making me think about horse dick while writing about videogames. This basically never happens. Oh, maybe Mouthwashing, actually. Weird that it happened twice, etc.
Nic Reuben
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