With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, the season of love is about to be in full swing with flowers, pink hearts, and wrapped gifts filling every timeline and store promotion. But what does this time of year feel like for those who don’t experience romantic attraction?
Curious, Zikoko spoke to five young aromantic Nigerians to explore their thoughts on Valentine’s Day. Aromanticism is a romantic orientation that refers to having little to no romantic feelings toward others and experiencing minimal or no romantic desire or attraction. Like all expressions of identity, aromanticism exists on a spectrum — some aromantic people date occasionally, while others choose not to date at all.
Navigating a World Built on Romance
Romantic love is deeply embedded in the fabric of society, shaping everything from media to traditions like Valentine’s Day. For aromantic people, this can be both isolating and liberating. As we learned, while some aromantic individuals embrace aspects of the season, others find it commercialised, exhausting, or simply irrelevant.
Here’s what five aromantic young Nigerians shared about their experiences with Valentine’s Day.
“I Love My Friends Deeply, Just Not Romantically” — Kosi (25, M).
I don’t hate the Valentine’s period at all. I’m actually quite happy for people who are in love or have found love. I just don’t relate to love in that way, personally. This is not to say I have no love in my life. I deeply love my friends and express that love as much as possible. I just don’t experience romantic love — at least not in a way that is distinct from the love I have for my friends. I’m still trying to find where I fit in in the expression of romantic love. I’ve dated aromantic and asexual people in the past, and it was pretty okay. I’ve spent two Valentine’s in a relationship in the past, and I think I sent a gift each time. I’m pretty sure I haven’t ever gotten a Valentine’s gift before, but I don’t think I’m missing out.
My issues with Valentine’s Day stem more from how it has been commercialised to such a point that it seems to celebrate consumerism and materialism more than the love itself. The branding of Valentine’s Day focuses on the gifts, the cards, and the “instagrammability” of all of that, and it rubs me the wrong way.
But aside from that, I think it’s cute that even though we love all year round, we have a dedicated period where we celebrate it. I just wish it was less gimmicky.
“I’ve Never Celebrated Valentine’s Even Platonically.” — Beyy* (23, F).
I don’t know if I’m aroace, honestly. I’ve never dated before, and I’m not really looking to do it in the near future either. I’m still figuring it out.
I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. I like that when done right, it’s a very exciting time for women, especially because God knows we need more of those. At the same time, it really is just another time for me as I’ve never engaged in it. I don’t particularly care for it, but I think it’s a cute time. Like I said, I don’t date.
I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s even platonically, but I might give it a try this year. Unfortunately, the only thing I can remember about past Valentine’s Days is experiencing other people’s joy over it. I stayed in the hostel for the first three years of secondary school, and the anticipation the girls had for gifts sent to the hostel was one of the most exciting things about the day. They would make it a whole event, leaning outside the windows, waiting for someone to come, teasing the recipients of the gifts and just having fun with it. It made the day nice. Female joy is always lovely to see.
“I Don’t Mind Valentine’s Season Particularly, But I Find All The Marketing Exhausting”— Dele* (26, M).
I’m aromantic so it’s difficult for me to connect with people romantically. I still try but it never lasts very long. I don’t mind the Valentine’s season though, I think couples in love are cute even if I don’t really relate to their experience.
I don’t mind Valentine’s season particularly, but I find all the marketing exhausting. I think we need a time to celebrate love the way we celebrate Christmas or any other holiday, but we need to make it less of a money grab. The women in my life — my friends and sisters — absolutely love the pink hearts, chocolates and all that serenren, so I celebrate by getting them small gifts for Valentine’s.
“I Usually Like To Spend Valentine’s Day By Myself”—Toni* (24, F).
I usually like to spend Valentine’s Day by myself. I think there are a lot of spoken and unspoken expectations around the season, even from people who claim to understand why I’m not very interested in romantic love and its bells and whistles.
My friends have persuaded me to attend a Galentine event. It will be all girls, low pressure, and good vibes, and I’m actually looking forward to it. It would be great to find a way that I can celebrate the season without feeling like I’m not being genuine.
“I Don’t Usually Think About The Events Of The Day Because I’m Busy Thinking About How To Celebrate My Birthday” — Rotimi* (22, M).
I don’t really mind Valentine’s season. My birthday is three days after Valentine’s Day, so I’m grateful that I don’t usually think about the events of the day because I’m busy thinking about how to celebrate my birthday. I focus on celebrating the love I have with my friends when they come to celebrate with me, and I prefer it this way.
A Valentine’s Beyond Romance
As these stories show, Valentine’s Day often sparks different emotions and perspectives for aromantic people. While some view it as a celebration of consumerism, others use the season to focus on platonic love and appreciation for their loved ones.
If you’re looking to celebrate loved ones in a non-romantic way this Valentine’s Day, here are some thoughtful gift ideas to consider. It’s a great way to honor the bonds that matter most — romantic or not.
Betty Godson
Read More