Mental health in the winter: Reaching out as the nights draw in

One in four adults said they were living with a chronic illness and were most likely to experience moderate depression.

To highlight the ‘uniqueness and universality of depression’, Aware recently unveiled a series of portraits of well-known people and members of the public, taken by acclaimed photographer Enda Bowe.

One of the high-profile faces participating in the campaign was rugby pundit and mental health advocate Brent Pope.

“Since I was a young adult, I felt all the emotions associated with mental illness, such as shame, guilt, loneliness, and judgement,” he says. 

“I felt that it was ‘weak to speak’, especially growing up in macho rural communities in New Zealand and playing rugby — you could not show mental weakness.

“For long periods of my life, I felt like I was the only young man who couldn’t understand that if I was physically fit, then surely I must be mentally fit as well. I told myself the biggest lie, that no one cares. I felt stuck, like I had no one to talk to even if I had wanted to.”

He told himself to ‘toughen up, push through’ and bury his feelings as ‘real men don’t cry’. But, he learned that opening up takes more courage and that we are all affected by mental health issues.

“Without exception, everybody experiences some sort of mental health trauma in their lives,” he says.

“We are all faced with loss and grief. Nobody has the perfect life, it doesn’t exist. We all have breakups and lose jobs, money or partners along the way — that is life. 

“Some things we will never fully get over and can’t expect to — so, we need to process as best we can and try to take one step forward each time. This starts with being able to share what’s really going on.”

Turning point

Opening up to family and a counsellor helped Maria Gibney deal with her depression, which “took hold” in her mid-teens. She masked her feelings by becoming “a moody teen who was too sensitive to talk to others”.

Long periods were spent alone. She didn’t maintain friendships and felt emotional and lonely. She couldn’t understand why she was unable to be happy and was filled with self-loathing and self-doubt, which led to dark thoughts of bringing these feelings to an end. 

But then, aged 20, her world fell apart as someone close to her took his own life, and although her depression deepened as grief threatened to overwhelm her, she developed a resolve to get better.

“I reached out for help, talked to family, went to counselling and took each day at a time,” says the Dublin woman. “It was slow, but I tried approaching each day as positively as possible.

“At 23, I had my eldest child, which was another defining moment, an incredibly happy one. One look at the little face and a love I had never felt before flooded through me. Now I had new purpose, and meaning, the sun was shining in my world and the clouds of depression receded.

“I recognised that they may come back, especially as I was still grieving, but I accepted that. Luckily, despite a storm here and there, the sun continued to shine for a long time — my strength grew and I went on to welcome two more children and get married.”

Life was good but in 2013, in her mid-30s, she suffered an anxiety attack. This occurred after her husband had an accident and, separately, her son broke his collarbone. Neither received serious injuries, but she put the feelings of panic down to these incidents.

It was the start of a “battle with anxiety”, which became more frequent and lasted longer.

“Sometimes I could breathe through them, calming my flight instinct, regulating my breathing and my pounding heart,” she says. 

“But other times, I would feel as though I couldn’t breathe, my heart was going to explode, and a cold sweat would come over me. I was silent on the outside but inside I was screaming and fear would rise from my very core, terrifying me. I quickly turned into a shell of myself, unable to make simple decisions. I was constantly scared, and yet I tried to keep going.

“I had three children who needed me, but it was so debilitating. I couldn’t deal with the simplest things — sometimes I would be halfway through a grocery shop and would abandon the trolly and go to the car, or I’d wake up screaming at night in terror at the slightest sound.

“My husband, Brian, tried so hard to help, he loved me, supported me, held me, picked me up, talked me down and stood beside me. Apart from him, no one knew the full extent of what I was going through. The turning point was the day I rang him from outside the school in the midst of a full anxiety attack as I didn’t know how to get home. This was the first day of my recovery.”

Brian, who works for the Defence Forces, “raced home from his barracks” and persuaded her to see a counsellor.

Through talking and therapy, she was guided through her “past traumas and deeply buried feelings”, while her GP suggested a course of medication. The combination of therapy and medicine made a significant difference in her life.

Being self-compassionate

Now aged 45, she is doing well and got involved in the Aware photography project after hearing an advert on the radio appealing for volunteers.

She advises others going through mental health difficulties to seek advice and take all the help offered.

“My experiences have had a profound effect on me and what I learned along the way has been invaluable,” says the civil funeral celebrant.

“I’ve grown stronger, my world is sunny — with clouds at the edges, but that’s OK as I can keep an eye on them.

“I encourage anyone else going through this to reach out to someone they trust, a helpline or a counsellor. Sometimes, we just can’t do it on our own and need support. In my experience, recognising how I felt and taking that first step was probably the most difficult thing, but it was what helped me get better.”

Dr Susan Brannick, clinical director at Aware, says most people know the importance of maintaining a healthy and well-balanced diet, good sleep routine, regular exercise, and meaningful connections. But it’s also important to be in tune with our feelings, as moods can change throughout the year.

“Looking after emotional and psychological wellbeing during the winter months may benefit from an intentional approach on how to stay connected, active, and rested,” she says.

“This could involve prioritising certain activities or making changes to your routine. For instance, changing the time of a walk to optimise your daily daylight input.”

She encourages people to be self-compassionate when their motivation or energy may feel low and to accept help from others.

“This may involve a chat with a friend or a discussion with the GP,” she says.

“A common thought in depression is that nothing will help or things will not change. But opening up and being honest about how you are feeling, perhaps even first to yourself, and then a trusted other, can be the first step to making changes and recovery.”

Pope, who is the founder of the Elephant in the Room movement (a mental health campaign linked with the Samaritans), says: “I know how it feels to be so alone in the battle against mental illness.

“But there is always someone that cares, who listens, grabs you by the hand and says, ‘It will be OK, friend’.”

• If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please see www.irishexaminer.com/helplines/ for a list of support services.

Aware’s top tips for protecting your mental health in the run-up to Christmas:

• Remember the basics – diet, exercise, sleep, connection and meaning. If these are not happening, look at the obstacles and what might need to change.
• Give yourself time to pause. Take a moment at least daily to stop and connect in with yourself. How your body is, how you are feeling, what’s on your mind. Staying connected to yourself supports self-awareness, a central part of resilience.
• Be clear about your boundaries, especially around many competing demands in the lead-up to December 25.
• Watch out for the voice of self-criticism or perfection in times of stress. Practise talking to yourself the same way you would to a loved one.
• Consider how you might include rest into your routine. We are not built to function at full intensity every waking moment. Rest is a fundamental part of physical and mental health.