I’m in my late twenties and my husband is in his late thirties. We dated for a year and half before we got married. When he first talked about marriage, I asked my husband, “Are you sure I can live with the size of your ‘joystick’ for the rest of my life?”
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My husband is built differently. I mean his joystick. It’s not normal. It’s not something you play with and go unscathed. It will leave a mark. Physical. Emotional. A mark that would make you dread the next meeting. I told my best friend about it and she laughed. She said, “You’ll get used to it. It’s just a matter of time and continue usage. You’ll be fine.
We’ve been married for four months now and I’m not still used to it. If anything, I’m scared of him now than I did when we were dating. When we were dating, I could make excuses and because we weren’t under the same roof, he’d let it slide. So we didn’t do much. I always ran for shelter.
We lived in the same town when we were dating. But after marriage, he got transferred to a different region. Marriage is marriage, and I’m expected to pay my role as a wife both outside and in the bedroom. So after marriage, I applied for leave to go and spend two weeks with him.
I was so sure I was going to use those two weeks to get acclimatized to what I’d signed up for. In my mind, this was the time I got used to it as my friend promised. I got there and nothing changed. I shivered when he was naked. I developed instant headache just the thought of me using his joystick. We planned to spend two weeks together but just after three days, we had to part ways. He was frustrated. I was in constant fear of his size.
We made new plans and scheduled how we were going to visit each other to bridge the gap and also make the distance between us disappear. We agreed he would come to my place in the middle of the month and I would go to his place at the end of the month. As I write this, I don’t even remember the last time I visited at the end of the month. I don’t go because of the same fear.
He keeps telling me I should continue taking it to get used to it. I try but playing with it is like a running where angels fear to tread. Nothing changes when I used it. Same pain. Same fear. So I wiggle my way out of the entanglement.
Because of this, he’s not able to get to the point where he could release his seed into my soil for it to germinate. Apart from the size, he’s not the kind of person who ‘comes’ early. At this point, if he was a two minute man, we could have managed just fine. Give my husband thirty minutes and he will still be hanging on asking for more time.
I want to get pregnant. Both of us want a child. When we talked about it, he said, “Unless I get uninterrupted two rounds before a child can appear.”
Even one session is a problem for me, talk about two. His joystick touches my inner skin and I get goosebumps. Not out of pleasure but pain. I will shift here and there. I would cry and gnash my teeth until it will slip out and I will breath.
Four months after marriage and my husband has never shot a swimming seed into me. He calls and say, “I will be coming around” and I suddenly get panic attack.
We need a child. He comes to visit often, every weekend he’s with me. Sometimes he comes to my place during the week when his working schedule would permit him, yet I’m not able to complete the match even after doing all the foreplay and antics to get me to be ready.
The last time he convinced me to collect it from behind in doggy pet mode, I sat on warm water for a week. I felt broken from the inside, like my inside was melting away.
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What can I do to make this thing work? Please help a sister in need. I feel disturbed anytime I see him tossing in bed because he wasn’t able to go all the way. I’m thinking of telling him to tie me whenever we’re going to do it so I don’t get to wiggle my way out no matter what. Do you think that’s a good idea?
—Wendy
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Silentbeads
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