Admission: as a single person who survived a notably single holiday season, I recently came across news that triggered a slight (albeit shameful) sense of satisfaction.
It all started when my friend, married for a decade, sent me an exasperated message: “I swear, I’ve never desired my husband more, but he’s turned ice-cold towards me!”
Naturally, my interest was piqued. This particular pair was renowned for their exaggerated public displays of affection. They were that excessively amorous high school duo who never quite outgrew the “tear each other’s clothes off” phase.
Yeah, yeah, good for them. Sigh.
So, this revelation came as a shock. She explained that she thinks their dry spell boils down to driving him nuts over Christmas. Dragging him to three different relatives’ houses, assigning him the unenviable job of hanging holiday lights all over the house, and sending him on countless last-minute supermarket runs for “just one more thing.”
“He’s so burnt out, he doesn’t even want to cuddle!” she moaned. Meanwhile, she’s desperate to reconnect and get naked, but he’s more interested in binge-watching football highlights. Yawn.
It turns out she’s not alone. Past surveys by the American Psychological Association found that 38% of Americans describe the holidays as “somewhat stressful” and 26% say they are “very stressful.” Add in post-Christmas credit card debt, family drama, and bloating from one too many servings of turkey, and it’s no wonder couples need a breather come January.
Yes, post-holiday burnout is real. Experts agree the holidays are a perfect storm for killing the mood.
“It’s incredibly common for couples to experience a decline in intimacy during January,” Simone Jobson, a relationship counselor based in New York, told me. “The holidays create a lot of external pressure, from financial strain to emotional exhaustion. By the time it’s over, most people just need time to rest and recover.”
And let’s not forget the rather grim elephant in the room: January is officially divorce season. Legal experts say filings spike by 30% at the start of the year, as couples who’ve been holding out through the holidays finally throw in the towel. Could a bedroom drought be a warning sign? Or is it just seasonal burnout?
Before you start Googling “couples’ therapy near me,” let’s pump the brakes. A January dry spell doesn’t have to spell doom and gloom for your relationship.
I’ve searched high and low, and found a few cheeky tips to help you thaw the frost:
- Start small: My friends’ solution? She leaned over during a football game and whispered, “You know, I think the neighbors heard us last time.” She says his reaction was immediate. “His eyes lit up, and suddenly I wasn’t invisible anymore!” Sometimes, all it takes is a sexy reminder of what you’ve got.
- Schedule a do-nothing day: The New York culture of “go, go, go” can leave barely any time for relaxation. So why not set aside one day to do absolutely nothing except Netflix, snacking, and maybe some couch cuddles that lead to more. Aren’t they the best kind of cuddles.
- Get your flirt on: Remember when you used to text each other ridiculous memes, share inside jokes or surprise each other with saucy sexts? Start doing that again! Humor and playfulness are such an underrated aphrodisiac.
- Break the routine: Experts say even small changes can reignite the spark. Swap your usual pizza night for a cooking class or go ice skating for a nostalgic throwback date. Bonus: physical activity boosts endorphins, which can help reignite the mood. Go climb a damn mountain together.
- Use January as a fresh start: Instead of focusing on resolutions about kale smoothies and gym memberships (snore!), make a joint resolution to prioritize each other. Set goals for date nights, small surprises, or even just more hugs.
So, is a Sexless January a red flag? Not necessarily. Simone Jobson explains, “Many couples recover naturally once the stress of the holidays is behind them. But if the disconnect continues into February or March, it may be worth addressing deeper issues.”
Here I was, all sooky, thinking I was the only person in the world not getting a bit of action this holiday season. Turns out even the horniest of couples are giving it the ol’ “meh, no thanks.”
But let’s not settle for that. It’s time to get back in the game and heat things up. Because life’s too short for a permanent “Sexless January” — and honestly, who wants to wait until spring to bring back the spice? Not me. Christmas was cold enough!