Some people are upset over parents taking toddlers to a drag show. How about dragging a baby to a Friar’s Club roast?
If your infant’s sense of humor is as dirty as his diaper, there’s a toy just for you. And it’s available via Walmart — or, it was.
On December 24th, Ashley Lynn took to TikTok with a colossal consumer complaint. For Christmas, her grandmother bought her nine-month-old son a toy remote control. The handheld gizmo features fun-looking buttons, including a number pad. Ashley points out in her video, “It’s a kid’s toy. There’s a baby on the box.”
Per the New York Post, the $29.95 toy’s ShopHQ description reads thusly:
Light up toy remote for toddlers and kids with ABC songs, stories, music and fun sound effects and buttons with different shapes and textures. … Baby remote control toy lets baby’s curiosity take itself [sic] to develop its exploration…to learn the world. … Colorful buttons introduce colors, numbers to keep your child’s attention. Learning remote helps baby discover cause and effect, develop his cognitive and thinking ability.
Ashley’s grandmother didn’t purchase the remote at ShopHQ; she got it from good ol’ Walmart. On Christmas Eve, Ashley unwrapped the gift and installed the batteries. Her tiny tot went immediately to town “pressing the buttons” and “chewing on” it.
But soon, Ashley’s mother made a claim that was hard to believe:
“[M]y mom hears something, and she calls us all in and is like, ‘It just said something about a drive-by shooting.’”
Ashley checked the gadget and found that her mom was right. “It says on the box it tells jokes,” she explains.
Online, Ashley illustrates the toy’s comic delivery. To the benefit of bibb-wearing breastfeeders aspiring to become comedians, a button-push prompts the following:
“Tom told his friend, ‘My brother has a job with 10,000 people under him. His friend replied, ‘Wow. He must be the CEO of a corporation.’ Tom said, ‘No, he cuts the grass in a cemetery.’”
“Okay, kind of funny,” Ashley admits. “But still — for a baby?”
Then she plays the clip that perked her mom’s ears. It’s instructive for any infant entertainers intending to add some edge to their acts:
“You’ll never guess what makes a ‘clip-clop, clip-clop, bang-bang, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop’ noise. An Amish drive-by shooting.”
And then, for all those diapered, little-bitty Lenny Bruces:
“How many Catholic priests are required to screw a light bulb into a socket? Two — one to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.”
Ashley isn’t laughing.
“Sold at Walmart. Walmart, explain this. (Tokyo manufacturer) Linsay Toys, explain this.”
“Do I have a lawsuit, lawyers?” she asks. “Help me out.”
Walmart has since responded, saying it has “opened an investigation” and that the toy will “stop being sold.”
The iconic retailer issued a statement to Fox News Digital over the ordeal:
This item was listed by an outside third-party seller and removed from our site because it does not comply with our prohibited products policy. … Like other major retailers, we operate an online marketplace that allows third-party sellers to offer merchandise through our eCommerce platform. Walmart strives to maintain a marketplace that customers can trust.
The toy’s foul funny bone isn’t so surprising. After all, according to experts, babies aren’t what they used to be:
“Experts Warn of the Racism of 3-Month-Olds, Recommend Antiracist Training”https://t.co/sJkRk9SqEv pic.twitter.com/FRlUrRpcei
— Alex Parker (@alexparker1984) March 26, 2021
-ALEX
See more content from me:
State University Hosts DEI Seminar, Consigns Caucasians to the ‘White’ Table
Woke Corporation Tells Applicants Not to Reveal Their Alma Maters — That Wouldn’t Be Equitable
It’s Happened: A Trans Athlete Goes the Other Way, Beats a One-Armed Man
Find all my RedState work here.
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Lawanda Motsinger